Letter Revision

Number 9
a. Flaws: There are so many back to back questions and most of them he can find out on his own. The wording is confusing at times too. He should put why he is writing at the beginning of his letter and only provide the information he needs to. His order is all messed up too. The letter could be written so much better and I shall prove it. The probably should have been written as an email and since it is jsut requesting information an is not a business letter, it probably doesn't need the addresses at the top. However, I will leave them there anyway because it is always better to err on the side of formality.

5493 Beechwood Drive
Trenton, N.J. 08608
April 12, 2009

Florida Resort Bureau
1555 Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard
West Palm Beach, FL 33401


Dear Sir:

I am writing to request information about resorts in your area. My wife and I are planning a vacation with our two teenage children for late September. I am having trouble finding a suitable resort and would like to ask for your help. I am looking for a resort that is near the ocean, is near a place with suitable night entertainment for the whole family, is near public transportation, is near a golf course, and is near a large city.

In addition, would you please help me by answering the following questions:
-Do the off-season rates include amenities?
-What is the weather like in Florida during September?
-Who should we contact for concert schedules during our vacation?

We are finalizing our vacation plans soon, so please send the information in the next two weeks.

Thank you,
Frank C. Atlas